Breakeven
by Kato Chinatsu
Summary: There are just no wounds that break evenly. It's just a matter of who gets the least and who gets the most… Who copes the best and who can cope no more. A compromise, that is all he asks. 'Why won't you look at me with those eyes' (For AkaKuro Day)


**Kato: You think I forget AkaKuro Day, don't you people? Oh you. *slaps you all with a fish* /SHOTTODEATH/ Well, I didn't. *huffs* That's why I am offering you guys this oneshot AkaKuro fic. Yesh, I am so fabulous. *flips hair back* /SHOT/ Well, anyway, this song is based on "Breakeven" by The Script. It is angsty but yeah, you be the judge. ;) Read away.**

**Warnings: Angst. Yeah. Just angst.**

**Words of Gratitude: Whatever happens, AkaKuro will always be my OTP. So to "Monopoly", the AkaKuro doujin that made me love AkaKuro (and it just had to have smut, no? xD) THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! :D**

**Disclaimer: I own not Kuroko no Basket. Only the story itself.**

* * *

_**Breakeven**_

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing…  
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in…._

* * *

When two conflicting emotions intermix with one another, which one weighs above the other? Which one would matter most? Which one would get its way and stake its claim? And then…

Which one would take the greater part of an uneven break?

'_Won't you spare me even the slightest glance?'_

Fleeting thoughts as absurd as that crosses his thoughts as he stares, almost longingly at the only being in this world he ever craved for… but cannot have. It's ironic, his situation that is. To have everything he could ever have, and yet… The only thing he wants can never be his. Or perhaps, not in this lifetime that he is in.

'_Even just the slightest?'_

He knows how pathetic he seems to be. To succumb to such puny emotions and to expect a compromise in what nots. But every time happiness radiates from the other, it only fuels, only crackles his remaining sanity away.

"Akashi-kun, are you alright? You seem distant." A soft voice cuts through his reverie. He merely glances at the bluenette in front of him, frowning the slightest bit, masking away his bitterness with his own mask of indifference.

'_How can you be so naïve?'_

"I am fine, Tetsuya. My mind is simply preoccupied." He answers casually as he analyzes his surroundings, taking in every movement of the players about the court, most especially the regulars. Anything… Anything just to get the bluenette off his mind, despite their closure.

Suffocating…

Their closure suffocates him, excruciatingly so.

"Umm… Is there anything I can help Akashi-kun then?" Kuroko queries as he glances at the court.

"Why don't you practice then, Tetsuya?" His heterochromatic eyes assesses the bluenette who seems to be in unease. "I don't tolerate slacking off amongst the players, may they be in the other strings or in the regulars, Tetsuya."

"Yes, I know. But…" Kuroko mumbles, looking down. "Aomine-kun is not here. How can I practice my passes without my light?"

'_Why won't you spare me a glance?'_

He almost crushes the clipboard in his grasp in anger, though his expression conceals such negative emotion.

'_Save me…'_

"Tetsuya," Akashi starts, facing the bluenette in slight irritation. "Daiki is not the only player on the court. Please be considerate to others like Ryouta and learn to coordinate with them. I expect coordination with you, not a two-man team solely from you and Daiki."

'_Please….'_

"I apologize, Akashi-kun." The phantom player lowers his head in embarrassment, backing away slightly from the captain. "I'll go and practice then."

As the bluenette turns his back from the captain to join the other regulars that are currently training, heterochromatic eyes dart downwards, dropping their mask of indifference only to have a pained expression settle itself.

'…_Look at me, please.' _

* * *

_Because I got time while he got freedom  
Because when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even_

* * *

'_This is bad. My sanity's slipping.' _Akashi thinks to himself, clutching his shoulder bag with one hand as he slowly walks his way home, not bothering to pay attention to his surroundings. He can sense it, how his sanity is slowly breaking, edging him to madness. He knows it's stupid, falling for someone like Kuroko Tetsuya. While the teen himself is a reliable person and one of those whom he rarely trusted, Kuroko Tetsuya is a very faithful and loyal person. When he loves someone, he loves. Unconditionally. And… Irrevocably. When he loves, he gives his all and will only love that person solely.

'_Too bad I'm not that person…'_

It is always _him _and not he. It is always Daiki and perhaps… it will only be Daiki. He can never make those eyes look at him in the same manner. It is as if the shadow himself has been blinded by his very light.

"Yo, Tetsu!"

Akashi stops walking abruptly, turning to the source of that familiar voice. He looks across the road, only to see Teiko's ace waving casually at Teiko's phantom player just outside of a convenience store.

He does not hear what they are conversing about, partly due to the distance between him and them. But he knows, as he watches how Aomine's disgruntled looks often causes Kuroko to smile even the slightest and faintest bit, he knows…

No one can ever replace Aomine in Kuroko's heart.

Not even if he wishes for such to happen.

With every smile not directed at him, it's as if another knife is being stabbed at him, piercing through his chest, slowly taking away all of his sanity. He looks away immediately, closing his eyes in the process of trying to regain his composure. Not here. He can't lose his sanity here. Just… not in front of Tetsuya himself.

He briskly walks away, shading his eyes away from the sight of anyone with his bangs. Unbeknownst to him, a pair of confused sky blue eyes trails after him, wondering what can be possibly wrong with the captain.

* * *

_His best days will be some of my worst  
He finally met a man that's going to put him first_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**__  
While I'm wide awake, he has no trouble sleeping  
Because when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven... even... no_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

* * *

"Daiki. It's rare for you to come to practice." Akashi comments as the ace enters the gym, grumbling at the captain's snide remark.

"Tetsu convinced me. But this is only temporary so don't go expecting shit from me, Akashi." Aomine grumbles, as he places his gym bag among the benches.

"Never intended to, Daiki." Akashi answers casually, throwing a ball at the ace who catches it with ease before he joins the regulars with their practice.

"Aominechii! We haven't seen each other for weeks! Where have you been?" Kise whines as the bluenette approaches them.

"Shut up, Kise. Your whining annoys me." Aomine blurts out without a thought before he turns to face his partner, a childish grin on his face. "Yosh! Let's practice your passes, Tetsu."

"Hai." Kuroko nods enthusiastically, a smile on his face as he grabs the ball from Aomine, moving to the other side of the court.

Nonchalant as they may, the regulars and the first stringers are elated that their ace has shown up. Well, not everyone.

'_In this game we play, in this stage we have set… It's always one or the other, right? In the end, it has always been my loss. You expected that, didn't you, Tetsuya?' _

"Tch! That hurt, Tetsu!"

"Ah… Sumimasen, Aomine-kun. Maybe I should have told you beforehand before passing the ball to you…" The phantom player mumbles, approaching his light who is currently rubbing one of his hands in slight pain.

"Tch…. Never mind. Let's practice that again." Aomine grumbles as he went to pick up the ball.

"Maybe we should have your hand checked first…." Kuroko suggests and looks at where their captain is. He opens his mouth to ask if they can be excused for a while, but he was stunned, frozen to his place as he sees that rare look in Akashi's face.

'_Please look at me.'_

A look that is very deeply pained.

* * *

_What am I going to do when the best part of me was always you… and…  
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok_?

* * *

The gym is completely isolated, except for him as he quietly sits on the benches, his mind blank for no apparent reason. He cannot think of anything. Nothing registers on his mind. Just that dull feeling of his slipping sanity.

"Akashi-kun."

He tenses upon hearing that voice.

'_Not here. Please… I do not wish to lose my sanity in front of you.'_

"You caught me off guard, Tetsuya." He comments, not looking at the bluenette who sits beside him. "What brings you here?"

"Why does Akashi-kun have that pained expression on his face when he looks at me?" Kuroko asks, ignoring the question directed at him.

'_I hate you. You are so excruciatingly naïve.'_

"What are you saying, Tetsuya? You must be being delusional." He brushes the thought aside nonchalantly, looking at his fisted hands that seem to quiver ever the slightest.

"Why won't Akashi-kun look at me then?" A timid hand grazes the redhead's cheek slightly, keeping the redhead frozen in his place before it cups one of his cheeks.

"Akashi-kun?" Kuroko asks once again, moving the captain's face to the side so that they are staring into each other's eyes.

Cerulean eyes meet with heterochromatic ones. And for once, Akashi cannot say anything. For there, in those eyes, reflects him. For once, it reflects only him.

"This is pathetic…" Akashi blurts out, looking downwards. "How can your hand feel so warm and comforting when everything else feels as if they scourge me?"

"Akashi-kun…?"

"You are so naïve, Tetsuya. So naïve." Akashi mumbles.

Before the bluenette can even comprehend what the redhead meant, he is enveloped, ever so tightly in the arms of his captain while the captain buries his face on the crook of Kuroko's neck.

"I hate your eyes…. They don't know where to look at," Akashi mumbles, holding the bluenette even tighter, trying to find solace in them.

And that's when Kuroko Tetsuya understood.

'_Please…'_

If he is hurting, he did not voice it out as he soothingly caresses his captain's locks while returning the hug.

"Does Akashi-kun hate these eyes that much?" Kuroko mumbles, closing his eyes as he holds his captain's head in a reassuring gesture.

"Please…." Akashi mutters, clinging onto the bluenette.

"I am looking at Akashi-kun through these eyes." Kuroko assures, brushing his lips lightly against the captain's ear.

"I despise it…" Akashi comments darkly.

As if it is a mantra, Kuroko utters what he said repeatedly, never letting go of his captain who clings to him desperately.

There are no words needed to be spoken. No need for sweet whispers to be uttered. For they know what each other meant. Only that there is a wall of doubt between them.

'_Please….'_

He closes his eyes slowly, still clinging onto the bluenette. There is no point in thinking of the consequences of his actions now. It is simply and utterly useless.

'_Please save my sanity and take my madness away…'_

He keeps on repeating the bluenette's name as if saying it will salvage what is left of that sliver of himself he is still holding onto.

"Thank you for looking at me with those eyes, Akashi-kun."

'_Keep on looking at me with those eyes from now on….'_

'_Keep on looking at me…'_

'_And no one else…'_

* * *

_I'm falling to pieces._

* * *

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_There are just no wounds that break evenly. It's just a matter of who gets the last and who gets the most… Who copes the best and who can cope no more._

_-Kato_

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**Kato: Er… Hehehe… I don't know what to say. xD So yeah, Happy AkaKuro Day, minna-san~ 3 Lovelots~**


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